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When a long-term Relationship Becomes Harmful

Sometimes I wonder wether a long term relationship does more harm than good to a person. This realisation came when I met a person, called Andrew. He was an attractive, confident and fairly young man in his mid-forties. He booked me hoping to spend a sexually pleasing time with an escort lady. Andrew knowingly reached out to a professional service provider, for more reasons. First of all, he was married at the time of our first encounter and he thought it was the least harmful way for a “detour” from his (otherwise well functioning and happy) marriage. Secondly, he was seeking a person with advanced sexual experience and skills. The reason for it: Andrew was suffering from a “strange condition” and was hoping to find a “cure” for it. He thought: having sex with someone who actually enjoys doing it, might help him to gain his healthy sexual life back.   

We developed a sexual relationship and I had quickly realised that some things didn’t function well with him. Andrew simply could not ejaculate with a woman, only when he was masturbating by himself and only doing so in a certain way. In my opinion, it is a real problem and a clear sign of not being able to let himself go, and truly enjoy sexuality with his partner. At first, he was reluctant to talk about the root of the problem but as he built up some trust he slowly started to open up. Andrew told me that his wife did not want him to ejaculate, because she found it disgusting to see the signs of the male orgasm. It sounds disturbing to me, and without being judgmental: I can not understand why would anyone stay married to a woman like that. Clearly, she needed help as well.

After numerous dates he was still not be able to “come”, so I started giving up on him and I advised him to look for a good sexual psychologist to give him professional help. Ideally, his wife should go with his as well.

This incident made me think of the harmful effects of living with someone together and share even her disturbing views on sex. The base of a good and lasting relationship is a well functioning sexuality. If one party does not enjoy her sexuality, it does not mean that the other should not live a satisfying sexual life either.

I wonder, had he came earlier to me or to another escort, could this problem be turned around? Had he left her at the beginning of the marriage, would his situation be changing for the better? I don’t know. I don’t have the answers to these questions and I have never seen Andrew again. Maybe he is still together with his wife and has accepted their situation as it is, or he got divorced finally and he is on the road of recovery. Certainly, I hope for the best.

I believe that booking an escort can be beneficial for a man who is struggling with his sexual life, for whatever reason. Suppressing a sexual desire is really miasmatic. On the other hand, living an active and healthy sexual life is charitable for many reasons and positively effects all other aspects of life.

All in all, if a relationship has served its time and no longer functions properly, it is better to have the courage to say good-bye to our partner and start living our own lives again. Do not be afraid to be alone for a time being. I firmly believe that being alone for some time is better than be in a malfunctioning marriage for whatever reason.

Kisses, Eline