Wouldn’t it be nice if sex would last exciting and sizzling for a long time? Unfortunately, often times sex becomes boring and/or non-existing in long term relationships.
Today’s topic on the blog might help those of you who feel like sex isn’t sizzling whatsoever. And that is sad–because sex is meant to be awesome! It’s explosive. It should be super pleasurable. It helps you relax and sleep better and feel closer to your partner, sure. But it also is just plain exciting! Except when it’s not.
Today I want to give you nine reasons that may explain why sex can get boring, and then point you to some extra help for each of these reasons! And one tip: as you read this list, look for the one that resonates most with you (even if all ten are true, look for the one that says, BINGO! the loudest).
1. We don’t learn new techniques or try new things.
Let’s see an easy example to demonstrate this issue: when a person went on a Kenyan safari, she was beyond giddy with excitement when she saw the first giraffe in the wild. It was the coolest thing! The legs came up past the roof of her Jeep. By the afternoon she was bored of giraffes. They were literally everywhere. What she really wanted were some lions!
Even amazing things can get boring if there’s never any variety. If you always have sex the same way, and do the same things, it will seem boring, even if it still feels pleasurable. Here on my blog there are some help to make things more fun!
When we talk about sex getting boring, that’s usually what we focus on–we’re doing the same thing the same way all the time. And it is a big problem. But it’s not the ONLY reason sex loses its excitement. Here are 8 more!
2. We focus only on intercourse, and not on anything else
What makes sex stupendous is the passion which is fuelled by feeling intimate. But other things are actually more emotionally vulnerable and intimate than intercourse–like just touching each other or exploring each other. When one partner is concentrating on pleasing the other, rather than both getting pleasure together, there’s a different dynamic. It’s far less “wham, bam, thank you ma’am”, and far more personal. And personal is rarely boring!
My tipp is to focus on foreplay much more than you usually would. You can consider using my tips from this blogpost, and to find out about female erogenous zones here. Implement some erotic massage using special massage oils and possibly introduce some exciting toys, find my blogpost about a good toy here. And one more important thing: talk openly about your desires and things that truly makes you happy in the bedroom, there is nothing to be afraid of or shamed about. Your partner knows you for a long time, so surely he/she will want the best for you. So this leads directly to the next point:
3. We stop talking.
Sex is intimate physically, yes. But it’s also intimate emotionally and spiritually. In fact, when we feel more emotionally vulnerable and emotionally close, libido grows and passion grows. When you feel like someone knows your heart, then you’ll want to share the rest of you with them, too. But if you’re guarding your heart, then there’s a part of you they can’t touch. And that will mean you hold back sexually as well. So if you want sex to be more passionate, make sure you’re actually knowing each other on a heart-to-heart level!
4. It was never that exciting to begin with.
Maybe the reason it’s boring now is because it was never much fun to begin with! You never figured out how to make it feel good, or you felt like it had to be done a certain way. And it can be embarrassing to try to get up the courage to ask for something different. That’s where 31 Days to Great Sex comes in. Because it’s a daily challenge, it’s not as vulnerable as saying, “what would you think if we tried this?” You don’t have to do anything–the book is the one that tells you do it! And there’s lots there to help you figure out how to make sex feel really great, in every way.
5. We’re never spontaneous.
Every so often, passion should get the better of you! Yet often we may start kissing, and we may start feeling excited, but then we remember that dinner needs to be made or that we have to get ready to leave in half an hour. What would happen if, instead, we just let the feelings carry us away? We’d make great memories, that’s what! We’d have an inside joke. We’d feel just a little bit out of control. Sex doesn’t need to always be at the same time because it’s part of a schedule. It can be something that carries you away. So next time, let that “quickly” happen or do the morning sex before brushing your teeth.
Are you looking to bring some excitement and spontaneity back into your s
6. Only one person ever initiates. . Only one person ever initiates
Even if sex is great, if the same person always starts, it’s going to feel, well, like a downer. Why? Because it’s always going to seem as if one person is doing the other a favour. And “pity-sex” makes sex feel degrading. Even if you’re more than enthusiastic once it starts, if you never initiate, your partner may feel like you’re not really into it. And that’s going to start to turn them off, so that they may stop trying, too.
Here are some easy ways to initiate sex: use the right body language to show the partner your willingness to fool around. Set candles and create a romantic atmosphere in the bedroom that is inviting for the other. Play some sexy music and do an impromptu lap dance, or fill up the bathtub and suggest your partner to take a bath together. That boosts each other’s libido for sure! Put on a seducing underwear that clearly says: “hey baby, I am really ready for you tonight!”
7. We never share what we actually want
Maybe there’s something you’ve always wanted to try–but you’ve never gotten the courage to tell your spouse. Maybe you’d really rather be touched like THIS rather than like THAT, but your spouse doesn’t know that. And it’s been five years now. And you feel like if you say anything, it will be as if you’re criticising the last five years! So you figure you’re stuck with this. No wonder it’s boring!
8. We stop doing anything new OUTSIDE the bedroom.
Sex isn’t just physical. It reflects the whole relationship. And if your relationship is boring, and you’re always doing the same things that you’ve always done, sex is likely going to be boring, too. Want to feel more excited about sex? Have more fun together outside the bedroom! Explore new activities together and engage in different hobbies. Discover new ways to spend your holiday together: maybe go for a camping trip instead of visiting the same old boring hotel again. Try to bake a cake or enrol in a photography class. Little changes may go a long way, if you give it a try! And keep one thing in mind: the more you laugh together and create memories, the closer you’ll feel–and that will ignite passion anew.
9. We don’t make sex a priority
For women especially, sex requires two things: energy and a clear head. If we’ve got grocery shopping lists and worries about tomorrow running through our brains, then we won’t be able to get aroused. And if we’re tired, we definitely won’t want sex! So if sex is going to be great, it can’t come last on our priority list. So it is important to prioritise.
All in all, I would like to point out that there’s nothing wrong with sex itself. The problem lies in how we approach it! And that’s good, because it means that we have the power to change things, too. Now, the question is: what are you going to do about it?